To Be Loved By Death
by cupcakexheartagramsxdraco
Summary: I wonder if something special is supposed to happen? It is my coming of age after all. After this, I can leave this hell forever.' 'Everything I’d known, everything I’d loved my entire life, was a lie.' Drarry BoyXBoy Don't like, don't read
1. Coming Of Age

_Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own Harry Potter. Go on and sue me, you won't get much._

* * *

'Happy birthday to me,' I think miserably. I'm nearly 17 and I've seen death more then most ever will. 17. Wow. I never dreamed I'd live to see my 17th birthday. I should have died 16 years ago with my parents. Everyday I wish to die and everyday my wish is ignored. Since the day I was born I've had no say in my life whatsoever. Not even now, in my decision to die. What do I have left to live for? Friends that don't write? Relatives that hate me? A world that doesn't care as long as I save their sorry asses? That's right. The fate of an entire race rests on my shoulders. I have to kill, or be killed by, the sadistic bastard that murdered my parents. Lord Voldemort. Of all of the wizards and witches, goblins, vampires, hags, and all of the other creatures in the magical world, it's me that has to kill him. A 17 year old orphan that barely passes his magical classes. Great choice right? I sigh and look back at the clock.

20 seconds.

I wonder if something special is supposed to happen? It is my coming of age after all. After this, I can leave this hell forever. Maybe I should run away. After all, why should I save them? Surely they can find someone else?

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

Fucking hell! Pain rages through my body like fire. Consuming me so completely I feel like I'm going to die. Is this the end? I bloody hope so

* * *

Ugh! I open my eyes to blinding light. I groan and get up to close my curtains. I pass by my mirror and stop dead in my tracks. Moving closer, my jaw drops. My hair had grown wavy and past my shoulders, my tan skin had turned cold and deathly pale, my lips dark red and full, I had grown to about 6 foot, my canines were long and sharp, my eyes were colour-changing they had shifted between 3 different colours already!, I had a pentagram on the side of my neck, and I no longer needed my glasses. In fact, my senses were sharper then ever. I could hear Vernon's snoring in the next room, I could see the sunrise as bright as if it were the middle of the afternoon. Merlin! It was so beautiful! I could've sat there for hours just staring at it. I had to force myself to look away. Everything was changed, everything was beautiful and full of life. It was almost overwhelming. Great! Now I'm a fucking vampire! What did I do to piss off the fates so much? Now I couldn't die! I was already dead! I wonder what the pentagram means? Studying myself in the mirror I realized I was completely healed! The only scar I still had was the lightning bolt on my forehead. I felt better then ever. It must be the vampire blood. I willed my fangs away and got dressed. I packed everything into my trunk, shrinking it and putting it in my pocket. I smiled when I saw I had presents. Maybe they care after all.

I walked downstairs to find a letter and a gift. I can't believe they got me something! I opened the letter with a smile.

_Harry,_

_I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I just wanted to tell you that I'm so very sorry for how I've treated you over the years. With Vernon and Dumbledore I truly had no other choice. You'll understand what I mean soon enough. I love you Harry and I'm so very sorry. Happy Birthday. I hope you have a good life. Come visit me if you can._

_Love,_

_Aunt Petunia_

_P.S. I hope you like the present. It was your fathers._

I opened the present to find a snake on a silver chain with emerald eyes. It was so beautiful. I put it on and a feeling of warmth and protection flowed through me. Must have protection charms on it. I put the letter in my pocket, taking one last look at the house I'd spent most of my life in before apparating outside the Leaky Cauldron.

I walked inside to see Tom, the bartender.

"Hello Tom," I greeted politely.

"Hello, may I help you sir?" he asked, not recognizing me.

"I was wondering if I might have a room for a little while?"

"Sure thing Mr.?"

"Grim. Louis Grim."

"Room 13 then Mr. Grim. Pleasure doing business with you."

"Likewise," I said before heading up to my room.

I enlarged my trunk, putting it at the foot of my bed. So I'm unrecognizable now? That's convenient. Remembering my presents, I pulled them out of my trunk. The first one was from Sirius. How is that possible? I opened the letter.

_**Harry,**_

_**If you're reading this, then I'm dead. Enclosed is my journal. It's very important to me. It explains a lot and I hope when you're finished reading it, you'll understand why I couldn't tell you. I love you so much Harry. Please don't be sad. Live your life the way you want. Have fun, fall in love, don't let life get you down. Above all else, don't let anyone control you. I did and I hated it.**_

_**Love you pup,**_

_**Sirius**_

I saw red. Feeling wetness on my cheeks, I realized I was crying. Well, bleeding, rather. After a while, I cleaned up the blood, picked up the journal and started to read.

* * *

By the time I'd finished reading, blood was pouring from my eyes like I was fatally wounded. Everything I'd ever known and loved, my entire life, was a lie. Lily wasn't my mother, Sirius was. After Sirius gave birth to me, a spell was cast to make me look like Lily. James and Lily were cursed into marrying and I was given to them. Poor Sirius fell into a terrible depression. Meanwhile, my magic was blocked. My wish, animagi, mind, vampiric, wandless, wordless, healing, and elemental magic's were all blocked. Dumbledore killed James and Lily and framed it on Voldemort. He was never even there! Peter Pettigrew was the one who told Dumbledore where we lived. Sirius went after him and Peter faked his own death, taking half of the street with him. Dumbledore ordered Sirius be sent to Azkaban without a trial. Everything beyond that was entirely planned. He ordered the Dursleys to treat me like shit. He wanted me broken. Just weak enough to be desperate for escape, just weak enough to be controlled. Meeting the Weasleys, Hermione, the Sorcerers Stone, the Chamber of Secrets, the Triwizard Tournament all PLANNED! Sirius couldn't have told me because he was Dumbledore's pawn just as much as I was! He could've had him sent back to Azkaban or killed. If he'd told me, we both would've been killed or worse given the Dementors Kiss. Why is my life so fucked up? I wept myself to sleep.

* * *

I awoke with the moon a few hours later, clutching Sirius's journal as if my life depended on it. I sigh, washing off my bloody tears. Just looking at the bloody rag arose the thirst within me. I got dressed and set out to find my meal. Stepping out into the moonlight was like a breath of fresh air. It was so beautiful. It had rained, the moonlight making the wet alley glitter. I could have stayed there all night staring at the alley if not for the desperate need for mortal blood. I stepped out into Diagon Alley only to find a beautiful chocolate- haired death eater. I shoved him into a wall, sinking my fangs into his throat. In that moment, our hearts beating together in that terrible rhythm, nothing else mattered. I found myself sucking harder and harder, feeling his heart slow. Right at the edge of death, I let him fall to the ground. Licking the blood from my lips, I was completely at peace. For the first time in my life, I was alive. I was invincible. I set the corpse on fire and watched the ashes fly into the darkness of oblivion. As I stood there staring up at the sky, I realized I had changed. I was a killer and I _**loved** _it.

_A/N: What do you think? Review please._


	2. Makeover

_Disclaimer: If none of this is in the 7th book then I don't own Harry Potter_

I walked through the dark street headed for Gringotts. If I was going to change, I needed money first.

"Harry Potter?" I was greeted as I walked through the door.

"Griphook," I bowed politely.

"I believe we have some business to attend to. Follow me please," he said leading me towards his office.

"Is this about my inheritance?" I asked once we had sat down.

"Indeed. You are aware that you are head of both the Potter and Black houses, correct?"

I nodded, "Yes."

"According to my records, you are also head of Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff."

"I'm the heir of Hogwarts!" I gasped.

"It would appear so. Here are your house rings," he said opening a box full of rings, "place them on your right middle finger. They will form one ring with the house or houses you are most directly heir of."

I put them on my finger and watched as they formed a silver ring with the Potter and Black crests on it.

"Griphook? I was wondering if I might have a list of my accounts, properties, and bank activity please?"

"Of course. Here you are," he said pulling a piece of parchment out of the pile.

"That old fool's been paying himself, the Weasleys, and Hermione 20,000 galleons a month!?"

"You didn't authorize these withdrawals?" Griphook said, getting angry as well.

"I did not."

"Don't worry Mr. Potter- Black. We'll get your money back **_immediately_.**"

"I hope so. And I wish for withdrawals by anyone other then myself to stop immediately."

"Of course. I'm terribly sorry about this Mr. Potter-Black."

"Please, call me Harry. And as long as you get it back and make sure it doesn't happen again, it's alright. Is there any way to get my money fast and convert it to muggle money?"

"Here," he said handing me a small bag, "just think about the amount you need in muggle or wizard money and as long as you have it in your vault, you can pull it right out."

"Thanks a lot Griphook. Just one last thing. I was wondering if there was a goblin healer I could see? I've never been healed properly and I'd like to see that changed."

"Follow me please." He lead me down through the vaults into a goblin hospital, said something in goblin language and left.

A goblin healer named Lena ran a diagnostic spell on me.

_Magick Blocks:_

_Wish _

_Animagi_ shape-shifter

_Mind_ occlumency, legimacy

_Vampire_ persuasion, flying, thought reading, super speed, super strength

_Wandless _

_Wordless _

_Healing _

_Elemental_ air, fire, water, earth, dark, light, ice

_Memories _childhood

"You'll have to stay in bed for a few days after I remove the blocks. And it'll probably hurt because they've been on so long." she warned.

"I'm plenty used to pain by now. Just take them off please."

"Alright," she held her hands on my head and said, "Paro Mihi Solvo."

I could feel all my magic rushing to the surface. It was swirling around me and I felt almost giddy. I actually giggled. I was flying around the room, laughing the whole time. I felt free. As I was coming down from the blissful feeling of freedom, I saw the mess I'd made. The entire room was covered in burn marks, dirt, water, and everything was thrown everywhere. Oops.

"Terribly sorry about that," I said waving my hand to clean it up.

"Um, it's alright Harry," she said a bit shocked at how powerful I was.

I spun in a circle collapsing on the bed, it was nearing dawn and I was tired.

"G'night," I said through a yawn to Lena.

"G'night Harry," she said with a smile.

I spent what must've been a year learning how to control my magic, starting with reading the pamphlets I should have gotten before I even went to Hogwarts! There was a spell on the hospital however. No matter how much time passed in that room, no time would pass outside of it. I learned everything from Weapons to Potions to Transfiguration to "Dark" Magick. I learned more in that year then I'd ever learned at Hogwarts in the 6 years I've been there. I was finally feeling confident that maybe I could beat the Dark Lord, only problem is I don't know if I wanted to anymore. Since finding out Dumbledore killed my parents, I don't know what to think of Voldemort or Dumbledore anymore. The goblins were amazing, they brought me my victims and everything. I owe them so much. They became my friends. I hugged them all on my last day in that room.

"Thank you all so much for everything," I smiled at my goblin friends.

"Anytime Harry. You're welcome here whenever you like as an official goblin friend," Lena said smiling.

"I'll make sure to come visit. Bye for now," I said with a bow.

I walked out of the hospital and into my vaults. I spent about an hour sending books, weapons, and jewelry to my room at the Leaky Cauldron . I found books in Parseltongue, books on vampires, and books on elemental magic. I couldn't wait to read them. I smiled when I saw that Sirius's motorcycle was in his vault. I shrunk it and put it in my pocket.

* * *

I decided to go for a complete makeover. First, I headed for Madam Malkins and got a wardrobe in a ton of different colours and fabrics. I went to the pet store and saw a beautiful snake. It was a Parsel. It was black with green and silver diamonds.

_Hello._ I hissed.

_You sssspeak the noble language?_ They asked.

_Yesss. Would you like to come with me?_

_Ssssure. _

I held out my arm for him to wrap around.

_What issss your name?_

_I don't have one Massster._

_Hmmm. How about Lessstat?_

_I like that name, but what ssshould I call you?_

_Call me Harry._

_Yesss. Ok._

_Letssss go._

"Excuse me? I would like to purchase this snake please."

_"_What an unusual talent you have there. Mr.?

"Grim. Louis Grim."

"Pleasure to meet you Louis."

"Likewise," I said with a smile. I paid for Lestat and continued shopping.

I went to Flourish and Blotts and bought my schoolbooks and a ton of others. I went to the Apothecary to stock up on potions ingredients. I went to Quality Quidditch Supplies to buy new gloves. I spotted a wizarding electronics store and went inside. It was filled with what looked like muggle things such as computers and iPods, but they worked in the magical world. I bought an iPod that held an unlimited number of songs, a laptop computer, and a digital camera, a TV, and a DVD player. I went to have a new trunk made with endless space with every protection spell possible and my blood inside of the wood so it would only open for me. I went to get a new wand made in Knockturn Alley. It was cherry wood with dark, light, fire, and ice phoenix feathers, phoenix tears, basilisk venom, dragons blood, and my own blood. It had protection runes carved into it and it was beautiful. I unshrunk my motorcycle and rode into the muggle world. It was an amazing feeling being on Sirius's motorcycle. I felt the wind rushing through my hair and it was as if I was flying, maybe better. I was surprised to see so many shops open, but pleasantly so. I went to several clothing stores and bought an entirely new wardrobe. I saw a tattoo/ piercing place and smiled, walking inside.

_"_Hello. How may I help you?" asked a girl with green hair.

"I want my ears pierced as well as my right lip and left upper cartilage. And tattoos of designs I drew."

"Alright Mr.?"

"Grim."

"Ok, lets get your piercings done then we can do the tattoos."

I sat in the chair and got comfortable as she got the needle ready.

"This'll hurt a bit. You ready?"

I nodded and she shoved the needle through my lip. It hurt a lot but I didn't care.

"Which ring would you like?" she asked, gesturing to a rack of lip rings.

I pointed to a silver one with an emerald inside of it.

"I like your taste Mr. Grim."

I smiled.

She did my ears and I picked out a pair of snakes that resembled my necklace and an emerald stud for my cartilage.

"Make sure to clean your piercings with this," she handed me a bottle of cleaner.

"Now, about those tattoos. Do you have the designs with you?"

I pulled the paper out of my pocket and showed her. One was a heartagram made of roses that said 'Love' on top and 'Metal' underneath it. The other was a skull and heart melded together surrounded by deadly nightshade that says 'Love' on top and 'Death' underneath.

"These are really good! Where do you want them?"

I showed her which one I wanted on which wrist.

Surprisingly, the sting of the needle felt really good, and I relaxed into the chair.

"All done," she said as I admired my new tattoos, "come again sometime Mr. Grim."

"Call me Louis. And I didn't catch your name."

"It's Cecilia."

"Very pretty name. Maybe I'll see you again sometime," I smiled.

"See you later Louis," she smiled back.

I walked into a books, movies, and music store and grabbed everything that caught my eye. I was on my way to the register when I saw the most beautiful guitar I'd ever lay eyes on. It was a 22-fret emerald and black Stratocaster with a heart and skull molded together on the body and bat-in-flight fret inlays. I had to have it. I went to find one of the workers and asked him if he would get me a case for the guitar.

"It's very expensive. Are you sure you can afford it?"

"Absolutely."

"Alright then," he said going back to get a case.

"Which amp would you recommend?" I asked him once he'd come back.

"This one is great, reliable, good for any kind of music," he said pointing to a Fender amp.

"I'll take it," I said, picking up a beginners guitar book as well.

"Alright then. Go on up to the register and lets get you checked out."

I paid for it all and sent it to my room.The last store I went to was a megastore. I bought pens, pencils, paint, a sketchbook, notebooks, sunglasses, and makeup eyeliner, shadow, and nail polish.

* * *

I went back into the Leaky Cauldron and put all of my stuff into my new trunk, noticing as I did so my other present. It was from Fred and George.

****

_Harry,_

_Happy Birthday mate!_

_Hope you're away from those damn muggles. _

_Sorry we haven't been able to write. _

_We've been really busy at the shop lately._

_You should come visit us sometime and we'll tell you what's been going on with the Order. We think something's up with Dumbledore. He's been acting strange lately. Anyway, here's some new stuff from the shop. Hope you like it. Make some craziness for us! _

_Love ya little bro,_

_Gred and Forge_

I smiled, shaking my head. Some things will never change. I opened the package and saw a bunch of pranks, along with a journal. There was a note scribbled inside.

****

_You're always keeping things bottled up._

_It's not good for your health mate._

_Just drop a bit of your blood onto the page and no one will be able to read it but you._

I grinned, cutting my hand and letting the blood spill onto the page. I watched it absorb into the page before closing it. I took off my jacket and boots and lay on my bed, stroking Lestat's head lazily before falling asleep.

* * *

_Paro Mihi Solvo: _Set Me Free


End file.
